Merely Exalts Solely [by Zafeera Kassam]
As I stand here in Your zaheri glow,
I know I cannot meet Your eyes with mine
for I am merely and You are solely,
but I know — every cell in me knows,
that Your gaze upon me is perpetual
as the skies, as time, as long as I am
apart from You ’til I am a part of You;
And this gaze is as if the rays of the sun:
nurturing; warming; loving; protecting,
under which my soul photosynthesizes,
gravitating towards its home, in You.
As I stand here in Your zaheri glow,
I know I cannot raise a hand to Yours,
for I am merely and You are solely;
Though I long to, I cannot: my hand shakes
and though I am Yours — Your spiritual child –
I cannot run into Your paternal embrace:
my knees quiver; my stomach somersaults; my volition wavers;
And though I’d dearly love to touch
my head to Your feet, I cannot promise
I’d ever leave that exalted abode.
But not a moment turns cold, passing by,
without Your hand square upon my shoulder
guiding; nurturing; warming; loving; protecting
under which my soul grows,
gravitating towards its home, in You.
As I stand here in Your zaheri glow,
I know I cannot speak with You
for I am merely and You are solely –
My lips resolutely shut, my tongue stuck
to the roof of my mouth;
Words are but a jangled lump in my throat,
and thoughts too timid to manifest.
But how many conversations we have everyday!
The jacarandas blooming a sprinkle of purple;
the bougainvillea a burst of magenta and fuchsia;
the way a car pulls out when I need a spot to park;
the brief drizzle of blessing on my windscreen alone;
the synchronicity that exists in inexplicable ways –
These are all You saying over and over again:
“I’m here, I’m here, I’m here,
never away, never afar, never distant;
for you, as you, are mine”
This is the blanket of familiarity
under which my soul glows,
gravitating towards its home, in You.
As I stand here in Your zaheri glow,
I know I cannot be anyone else but I
who is deeply grateful, deeply in love
with You, my lord, my friend, my everything.
And I know nothing else is of a matter;
I want naught but You:
to come home; the home in You.
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