Breaking Habits Can Get What You Want
It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
-James Gordon, M.D.
From "How to Be Happy, Dammit: A Cynic’s Guide to Spiritual Happiness" by Karen Salmansohn:
If you keep doing what you’ve always been doing, then you’ll keep getting what you’ve always been getting.
You must courageously break the habit of your habits, or every year you will be doomed to live out: “Same #$%&! Different outfit.” The style of your clothes may change, but the style of your circumstances won’t.
The first trick an elephant trainer teaches an elephant is not to escape. When the elephant is still but a baby, the trainer chains the infant’s leg to a huge log, so when/if the elephant tries to escape, the log proves stronger and he gives up. Eventually the elephant becomes so used to its captivity, that even when it has grown huge and strong, all the trainer has to do is merely tie the chain around the elephant’s leg to anything—even a tiny little twig—and the elephant won’t even try to escape. It has become a prisoner of its past.
The elephant and its twig remind you of your childhood. Though you believe childhood habits can’t be broken, that was then. This is now. Time has passed. You can let go. Move on…Can’t you?
Yes, you can…step back from that twig! The trick is: you must first see it’s only a twig!
Teachable Moments
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Guest
Diagnosis: Spiritual Growth
Before my accident, there were ten thousand things I could do. I could spend the rest of my life dwelling on the things I had lost, but instead I chose to focus on the nine thousand I still had left.
–W. Mitchell
From the forward by Belleruth Naparstek in "Healing Words for the Body, Mind and Spirit," by Caren Golman":
Getting diagnosed with a life-changing or life-threatening illness presents such a confusing rush of odd, contradictory reactions. Sitting in my therapist's chair for over thirty years, I've been afforded a powerful look into the fear, grief, elation, shame, relief and anger that gets turned loose inside a person's weary, shell-shocked body when confronted with bad news.
We all carry a basic, narcissistic belief that it can't happen to us. This is how we get through the arbitrary dangers of the day, after all—by assuming we are cloaked in magical protection that renders us immune from the ugliness and bad fortune we see landing on others.
And because we cherish our fantasy that we are in control of our lives—especially dear to us citizens of the West—we tend to believe that our luck has been earned, through good character and smart choices.
So the news of illness catalyzes a disorienting undoing of some of our most closely held assumptions about ourselves and our lives. Like Alice, we fall topsy-turvy down the rabbit hole and land, naked and trembling, in an entirely new place. It's weird territory, where the old rules and definitions simply don't apply. Strange and scary as it is, though, it's also exciting, life-changing and god-awful interesting.
If we're lucky, our painful circumstances become a riveting invitation for growth and spiritual awakening on a newer, deeper level. As with all undoings, we've been handed an opportunity to reexamine and recreate ourselves, to reaffirm or redefine our sense of meaning and purpose. Any artist knows that deconstruction has its payoffs, and we are, of course, the artists of our lives.
* * *
Before my accident, there were ten thousand things I could do. I could spend the rest of my life dwelling on the things I had lost, but instead I chose to focus on the nine thousand I still had left.
–W. Mitchell
From the forward by Belleruth Naparstek in "Healing Words for the Body, Mind and Spirit," by Caren Golman":
Getting diagnosed with a life-changing or life-threatening illness presents such a confusing rush of odd, contradictory reactions. Sitting in my therapist's chair for over thirty years, I've been afforded a powerful look into the fear, grief, elation, shame, relief and anger that gets turned loose inside a person's weary, shell-shocked body when confronted with bad news.
We all carry a basic, narcissistic belief that it can't happen to us. This is how we get through the arbitrary dangers of the day, after all—by assuming we are cloaked in magical protection that renders us immune from the ugliness and bad fortune we see landing on others.
And because we cherish our fantasy that we are in control of our lives—especially dear to us citizens of the West—we tend to believe that our luck has been earned, through good character and smart choices.
So the news of illness catalyzes a disorienting undoing of some of our most closely held assumptions about ourselves and our lives. Like Alice, we fall topsy-turvy down the rabbit hole and land, naked and trembling, in an entirely new place. It's weird territory, where the old rules and definitions simply don't apply. Strange and scary as it is, though, it's also exciting, life-changing and god-awful interesting.
If we're lucky, our painful circumstances become a riveting invitation for growth and spiritual awakening on a newer, deeper level. As with all undoings, we've been handed an opportunity to reexamine and recreate ourselves, to reaffirm or redefine our sense of meaning and purpose. Any artist knows that deconstruction has its payoffs, and we are, of course, the artists of our lives.
* * *
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Guest
Solitude: Alone, but Not Lonely
by Tina Coleman
Somewhere along the way, American society has lost sight of the value of solitude. Yet getting to know your inner self through solitude is key to enriching your life and your relationships."...our society is so geared toward attachment and engagement and 'busyness,' that alonetime has been lost." —Esther Buchholz, Ph.D.
We all experience perfect solitude in the womb, but it's unfortunate that we're too young to appreciate it. Once we're born into this round-the-clock, information-at-our-fingertips world and burdened with carpools and endless social obligations, the chance of finding—or appreciating—the gift of solitude is greatly diminished.
But it hasn't always been this way.
Away From Ourselves
"A century ago, most people lived on farms in the country in isolated family units," says John Selby, a counselor, teacher, and the author of Solitude: The Art of Living with Yourself. "Everyone was forced to establish a relationship with themselves alone. Solitude was a positive aspect of life." Most people enjoyed a relationship with nature that made them feel less alone, he adds, but suburban living has diminished that connection. Instead, we turn on the TV to avoid being entirely alone. "The media," he says, "have replaced nature."
We also place a far greater emphasis on the need for relationships outside of the family than our grandparents did. This increased reliance on relationships with others shifts our focus even further from our inner selves and our needs as individuals, and more towards who we feel we are—or should be—in relation to others. "It's difficult to maintain a sense of personal integrity if we are always outwardly focused," says Esther Buchholz, Ph.D., author of The Call of Solitude: Alonetime in a World of Attachment.
Solitude Is...
Solitude, Buchholz says, is the need to retreat psychologically—and sometimes physically—to modify stimulation and to "reconstitute how one functions by one's self." In other words, space to breathe. But people have preconceived notions about solitude, that somehow it's a negative thing. Because even the dictionary definition of solitude includes terms like "isolation" and "lonely," Buchholz prefers to use the term "alonetime" instead of solitude.
Alonetime helps you learn who you are. To function at your peak, you need to know yourself, and alonetime provides time for self-examination. The degree of solitude we each require is partly inborn and partly learned. People who are more introverted will feel a greater need for solitude than those who are extroverted. But from a very early age, we all need at least some alonetime; Buchholz notes that the need for alonetime is probably present from birth.
"We would not survive very well if we didn't have some self-regulatory and alone skills to help us achieve a balance between stimulation and lack of stimulation," she says. "Nature provides time alone in sleep, but our society is so geared toward attachment and engagement and 'busyness,' that alonetime has been lost."
Valuing Solitude
The way you're raised also determines whether you will seek or reject solitude as you become adults. If as a child, you were sent to your room when you misbehaved or were told that you'd be unpopular if you didn't behave, you may grow up associating solitude with abandonment. "If our parents and our communities fear solitude, then we'll pick this up, until we discover that solitude is golden and is to be nurtured," Selby says. Conversely, if your parents had good relationships with their solitary selves, you'll learn to develop that relationship with yourself as well, he says. Children who grow up in households where solitude is respected are far more likely to seek alonetime as adults.
Selby also feels that society's generally negative view of solitude makes people feel guilty or inadequate if they're not social butterflies. "We value extroversion and put down introversion." And because people don't take time to know themselves in any introverted way, they may feel lonely, inadequate, or frustrated, which can lead to depression.
Solitude and Relationships
If you are part of a family or relationship in which the need for solitude is not recognized or respected, it can be difficult to express your needs without offending those who don't understand your need for alonetime. There are ways to negotiate these differences so that they don't create wedges in your relationships, says Buchholz. "Often, people feel rejected when a friend or lover asks for more space in a relationship," adds Selby. "But when we see that relationships depend on each of us knowing and loving ourselves first, then it makes sense to allow our friends and lovers and family members their solitary time."
Recognizing Your Need for Solitude
How can you tell when you are overwhelmed and ready for a little solitary R&R? Signs include:
irritability
anger at those closest to you
a feeling of being overly-intruded upon
not wanting to do things you normally want to do
fatigue
nervousness
confusion
shakiness
lack of energy
tight breathing
It's no coincidence that some of these signs mimic a panic attack. Some experts say that the need for solitude is a panic reaction in and of itself.
Remember, says Selby, that solitude is not just about being physically alone. It's about shifting into a nurturing gear for your own self. He recommends doing a regular meditation a few times a day to slow yourself down, shift out of thoughts of the past and the future, and just "be" for a time while your social batteries recharge. If you detect these signs in your children, encourage or even enforce short time-outs alone, because it's difficult for them to recognize the need in themselves.
Not giving yourself enough alonetime can negatively affect your relationships, health, and ability to think clearly, because you're too busy doing. Being overstimulated intrudes on creativity and diminishes your problem-solving skills.
The Gift of Solitude
Some find solitude on a beach or a mountaintop, but you can also experience solitude sitting in a favorite chair in a quiet room. A two-minute meditation during an elevator ride or a peaceful, solitary walk on your lunch break might be all it takes to recharge. Waking up slowly listening to the birds sing, or going to bed a few minutes early and enjoying the luxury of those extra winding-down minutes can be sheer bliss. Solitude keeps us in touch with ourselves and who we are, says Buchholz.
Solitude doesn't necessarily mean inactivity. Some people feel recharged after spending an entire afternoon listening to classical music while cleaning out closets. The key is to select a time for yourself, when you can think, sing out loud, scrub the floor, or whatever...alone.
RESOURCES:
American Psychological Association
http://www.apa.org
by Tina Coleman
Somewhere along the way, American society has lost sight of the value of solitude. Yet getting to know your inner self through solitude is key to enriching your life and your relationships."...our society is so geared toward attachment and engagement and 'busyness,' that alonetime has been lost." —Esther Buchholz, Ph.D.
We all experience perfect solitude in the womb, but it's unfortunate that we're too young to appreciate it. Once we're born into this round-the-clock, information-at-our-fingertips world and burdened with carpools and endless social obligations, the chance of finding—or appreciating—the gift of solitude is greatly diminished.
But it hasn't always been this way.
Away From Ourselves
"A century ago, most people lived on farms in the country in isolated family units," says John Selby, a counselor, teacher, and the author of Solitude: The Art of Living with Yourself. "Everyone was forced to establish a relationship with themselves alone. Solitude was a positive aspect of life." Most people enjoyed a relationship with nature that made them feel less alone, he adds, but suburban living has diminished that connection. Instead, we turn on the TV to avoid being entirely alone. "The media," he says, "have replaced nature."
We also place a far greater emphasis on the need for relationships outside of the family than our grandparents did. This increased reliance on relationships with others shifts our focus even further from our inner selves and our needs as individuals, and more towards who we feel we are—or should be—in relation to others. "It's difficult to maintain a sense of personal integrity if we are always outwardly focused," says Esther Buchholz, Ph.D., author of The Call of Solitude: Alonetime in a World of Attachment.
Solitude Is...
Solitude, Buchholz says, is the need to retreat psychologically—and sometimes physically—to modify stimulation and to "reconstitute how one functions by one's self." In other words, space to breathe. But people have preconceived notions about solitude, that somehow it's a negative thing. Because even the dictionary definition of solitude includes terms like "isolation" and "lonely," Buchholz prefers to use the term "alonetime" instead of solitude.
Alonetime helps you learn who you are. To function at your peak, you need to know yourself, and alonetime provides time for self-examination. The degree of solitude we each require is partly inborn and partly learned. People who are more introverted will feel a greater need for solitude than those who are extroverted. But from a very early age, we all need at least some alonetime; Buchholz notes that the need for alonetime is probably present from birth.
"We would not survive very well if we didn't have some self-regulatory and alone skills to help us achieve a balance between stimulation and lack of stimulation," she says. "Nature provides time alone in sleep, but our society is so geared toward attachment and engagement and 'busyness,' that alonetime has been lost."
Valuing Solitude
The way you're raised also determines whether you will seek or reject solitude as you become adults. If as a child, you were sent to your room when you misbehaved or were told that you'd be unpopular if you didn't behave, you may grow up associating solitude with abandonment. "If our parents and our communities fear solitude, then we'll pick this up, until we discover that solitude is golden and is to be nurtured," Selby says. Conversely, if your parents had good relationships with their solitary selves, you'll learn to develop that relationship with yourself as well, he says. Children who grow up in households where solitude is respected are far more likely to seek alonetime as adults.
Selby also feels that society's generally negative view of solitude makes people feel guilty or inadequate if they're not social butterflies. "We value extroversion and put down introversion." And because people don't take time to know themselves in any introverted way, they may feel lonely, inadequate, or frustrated, which can lead to depression.
Solitude and Relationships
If you are part of a family or relationship in which the need for solitude is not recognized or respected, it can be difficult to express your needs without offending those who don't understand your need for alonetime. There are ways to negotiate these differences so that they don't create wedges in your relationships, says Buchholz. "Often, people feel rejected when a friend or lover asks for more space in a relationship," adds Selby. "But when we see that relationships depend on each of us knowing and loving ourselves first, then it makes sense to allow our friends and lovers and family members their solitary time."
Recognizing Your Need for Solitude
How can you tell when you are overwhelmed and ready for a little solitary R&R? Signs include:
irritability
anger at those closest to you
a feeling of being overly-intruded upon
not wanting to do things you normally want to do
fatigue
nervousness
confusion
shakiness
lack of energy
tight breathing
It's no coincidence that some of these signs mimic a panic attack. Some experts say that the need for solitude is a panic reaction in and of itself.
Remember, says Selby, that solitude is not just about being physically alone. It's about shifting into a nurturing gear for your own self. He recommends doing a regular meditation a few times a day to slow yourself down, shift out of thoughts of the past and the future, and just "be" for a time while your social batteries recharge. If you detect these signs in your children, encourage or even enforce short time-outs alone, because it's difficult for them to recognize the need in themselves.
Not giving yourself enough alonetime can negatively affect your relationships, health, and ability to think clearly, because you're too busy doing. Being overstimulated intrudes on creativity and diminishes your problem-solving skills.
The Gift of Solitude
Some find solitude on a beach or a mountaintop, but you can also experience solitude sitting in a favorite chair in a quiet room. A two-minute meditation during an elevator ride or a peaceful, solitary walk on your lunch break might be all it takes to recharge. Waking up slowly listening to the birds sing, or going to bed a few minutes early and enjoying the luxury of those extra winding-down minutes can be sheer bliss. Solitude keeps us in touch with ourselves and who we are, says Buchholz.
Solitude doesn't necessarily mean inactivity. Some people feel recharged after spending an entire afternoon listening to classical music while cleaning out closets. The key is to select a time for yourself, when you can think, sing out loud, scrub the floor, or whatever...alone.
RESOURCES:
American Psychological Association
http://www.apa.org
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Guest
Bad Luck, Good Luck. Who Knows?
The first step towards change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do. It's something you allow.
–Will Garcia
From "Healing Words for the Body, Mind and Spirit" by Caren Golman:
An old Zen story goes like this: An old Chinese farmer had a mare that broke through the fence and ran away. When his neighbors learned of it, they came to the farmer and said, "What bad luck this is. You don't have a horse during planting season." The farmer listened and then replied, "Bad luck, good luck. Who knows?"
A few days later, the mare returned with two stallions. When the neighbors learned of it, they visited the farmer. "You are now a rich man. What good fortune this is," they said. The farmer listened and again replied, "Good fortune, bad fortune. Who knows?"
Later that day, the farmer's only son was thrown from one of the stallions and broke his leg. When the neighbors heard about it, they came to the farmer. "It is planting season and now there is no one to help you," they said. "This is truly bad luck." The farmer listened, and once more he said, "Bad luck, good luck. Who knows?"
The very next day, the emperor's army rode into the town and conscripted the eldest son in every family. Only the farmer's son with his broken leg remained behind. Soon the neighbors arrived. Tearfully, they said, "Yours is the only son who was not taken from his family and sent to war. What good fortune this is..."
* * *
.
The first step towards change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do. It's something you allow.
–Will Garcia
From "Healing Words for the Body, Mind and Spirit" by Caren Golman:
An old Zen story goes like this: An old Chinese farmer had a mare that broke through the fence and ran away. When his neighbors learned of it, they came to the farmer and said, "What bad luck this is. You don't have a horse during planting season." The farmer listened and then replied, "Bad luck, good luck. Who knows?"
A few days later, the mare returned with two stallions. When the neighbors learned of it, they visited the farmer. "You are now a rich man. What good fortune this is," they said. The farmer listened and again replied, "Good fortune, bad fortune. Who knows?"
Later that day, the farmer's only son was thrown from one of the stallions and broke his leg. When the neighbors heard about it, they came to the farmer. "It is planting season and now there is no one to help you," they said. "This is truly bad luck." The farmer listened, and once more he said, "Bad luck, good luck. Who knows?"
The very next day, the emperor's army rode into the town and conscripted the eldest son in every family. Only the farmer's son with his broken leg remained behind. Soon the neighbors arrived. Tearfully, they said, "Yours is the only son who was not taken from his family and sent to war. What good fortune this is..."
* * *
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Slow Down, Save Time, and Head in the Right Direction
We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.
-Harrison Ford
From "How to Be Happy, Dammit: A Cynic’s Guide to Spiritual Happiness" by Karen Salmansohn:
It doesn’t matter how fast you get there, if you’re heading in the wrong direction.
So...you must slow down and see where you are going, buddy!
Though you should think instead of calling it “slowing down” it should be called “slowing up” because when you take your time, you save time.
“Slowing up” means you do not live in the past (with old habits), nor in the future (with not-so-great expectations), but here, in the moment—where the true you—and your true power—and the answers to your problems—can all be found.
You remember back to a dance class you took in your gym. The teacher showed you this complicated dance that you were expected to learn by hour’s end. You remember thinking: “Yeah, right, lady.” But then she slowed down the music—played it at a much slower tempo—so you could see the steps weren’t so mindboggling—or feetboggling. And sure enough within 60 minutes you were a regular Fred Astaire.
You know the same approach works for the complicated fancy footwork it takes to switch out of a bad relationship or a bad career. At first glance it looks like so much effort. Then when you relax you can see what the Buddhists see…the 1,000 mile journey begins with 1 step.
We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.
-Harrison Ford
From "How to Be Happy, Dammit: A Cynic’s Guide to Spiritual Happiness" by Karen Salmansohn:
It doesn’t matter how fast you get there, if you’re heading in the wrong direction.
So...you must slow down and see where you are going, buddy!
Though you should think instead of calling it “slowing down” it should be called “slowing up” because when you take your time, you save time.
“Slowing up” means you do not live in the past (with old habits), nor in the future (with not-so-great expectations), but here, in the moment—where the true you—and your true power—and the answers to your problems—can all be found.
You remember back to a dance class you took in your gym. The teacher showed you this complicated dance that you were expected to learn by hour’s end. You remember thinking: “Yeah, right, lady.” But then she slowed down the music—played it at a much slower tempo—so you could see the steps weren’t so mindboggling—or feetboggling. And sure enough within 60 minutes you were a regular Fred Astaire.
You know the same approach works for the complicated fancy footwork it takes to switch out of a bad relationship or a bad career. At first glance it looks like so much effort. Then when you relax you can see what the Buddhists see…the 1,000 mile journey begins with 1 step.
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Guest
Cultivate Your Crone Qualities
The hardest years of life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes
From "Crones Don't Whine: Concentrated Wisdom for Juicy Women" by Jean Shinoda Bolen:
I am proposing that it is time to reclaim and redefine 'crone' from the word pile of disparaging names to call older women, and to make becoming a 'crone' a crowning inner achievement of the third phase of life.
To be a crone is about inner development, not outer appearance. A crone is a woman who has wisdom, compassion, humor, courage, and vitality. She has a sense of truly being herself, can express what she knows and feels, and take action when need be. She does not avert her eyes or numb her mind from reality. She can see the flaws and imperfections in herself and others, but the light in which she sees is not harsh and judgmental. She has learned to trust herself to know what she knows.
Those crone qualities are not acquired overnight. One does not become a full-fledged crone automatically following menopause, any more than growing older and wiser go hand in hand. These are decades that follow menopause in which to grow psychologically and spiritually.
The hardest years of life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes
From "Crones Don't Whine: Concentrated Wisdom for Juicy Women" by Jean Shinoda Bolen:
I am proposing that it is time to reclaim and redefine 'crone' from the word pile of disparaging names to call older women, and to make becoming a 'crone' a crowning inner achievement of the third phase of life.
To be a crone is about inner development, not outer appearance. A crone is a woman who has wisdom, compassion, humor, courage, and vitality. She has a sense of truly being herself, can express what she knows and feels, and take action when need be. She does not avert her eyes or numb her mind from reality. She can see the flaws and imperfections in herself and others, but the light in which she sees is not harsh and judgmental. She has learned to trust herself to know what she knows.
Those crone qualities are not acquired overnight. One does not become a full-fledged crone automatically following menopause, any more than growing older and wiser go hand in hand. These are decades that follow menopause in which to grow psychologically and spiritually.
Resolutions for a Peaceful New Year
How you--and your children--can start to create peace and harmony this year.
By Naomi Drew
Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. —John F. Kennedy
Hope is believing in spite of the evidence, then watching the evidence change. —Jim Wallis, editor of "Sojourners"
The joy and hope of this new year are tempered by heaviness in our hearts as conflict rages abroad, and young lives are lost daily. Regardless of our religious, ethnic, or political orientation, we each feel the pain of this loss, and have great compassion for families whose loved ones are fighting abroad. May we take care not to get so swept up in the busy-ness of our lives that we lose touch with the heartache that many in our midst are enduring. Now, more than ever, it's essential that we bring the spirit of peace, love, and goodwill toward each other into the new year. May this be a time of healing, compassion, and reaching out--a time to transcend our differences, and strengthen our human connections.How do we stay in touch with and convey to our children spirit and meaning peace, love, and good will? How can we embody each of these in our actions? What follows are some answers to these questions.
1. Speak from the heart.
Let people know either by your spoken words, or through notes you send, how much you love and care about them. Avoid the superficial and inauthentic. Reach deep into your heart and soul, and speak from these when you connect with others. Encourage your children to do the same.
2. Forgive someone.
Think of one person, past or present, toward whom you have ill feelings. Be it a parent, a sibling, a spouse, child, or someone who was once your friend, ask yourself if you can find it in your heart to grant them forgiveness.
Sit down and write a note of forgiveness to this person. This note is just for you. When you're finished, ask yourself if you're ready to make a phone call or send an actual note that helps mend fences. Talk to your children about your process and see if they have someone they need to forgive. Let them know that forgiving is one of the greatest gestures of generosity we can make.
3. Listen with compassion.
So often conversation tends toward the mundane. We go through the motions of talking and listening while our internal conversations ramble on. This year, try listening with an open heart even if you disagree. Listening compassionately simply means that you're making an effort to understand. Try putting yourself in the other person's place as you listen, and see what you can learn. Encourage your children to do this as well. Compassionate listening is another gesture of true magnanimity.
4. Stop and notice.
The rush-rush nature of life often compels us to engage in back-to-back activities without soaking in what we're experiencing. Stop, notice, and take in the small moments: the look in your child's eyes as you admire a drawing she made for you in school; the feel of your mother's arms around you after having been apart; the sound of your friend's voice a thousand miles away. Then, later, reflect. Take some time to write about subtle observations and emotions that you experienced just by stopping and noticing. Resist getting swept up in the swirl. Instead, stay present to the richness of each moment.
5. Make a difference for someone in need.
What can you do to make a difference in someone's life? My sister has a wonderful ritual of taking her children to a home for the aged each New Year's. She and her girls give homemade gifts to elderly people who have no families to visit them. My sister has shared many stories with me about the tears and hugs of the people she and her children have connected with. The small handmade gifts and shared conversation are priceless to the elderly people who would otherwise be alone during this time. Think of things you and your family can do to reach out to others.
6. Continue several of the above suggestions all year long.
If we each made the conscious decision to live in the spirit of peace, love, and goodwill every single day, our world would slowly start to change. For this new year, and all year long, remind yourself and your children that this essential change in our world begins with each of you. We can each be the candle that helps to light the world.
For those of you who have loved ones serving overseas, deepest prayers go to you and to those you love. May they be well wherever they are, and may, someday soon, we find a way to live in peace.
How you--and your children--can start to create peace and harmony this year.
By Naomi Drew
Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. —John F. Kennedy
Hope is believing in spite of the evidence, then watching the evidence change. —Jim Wallis, editor of "Sojourners"
The joy and hope of this new year are tempered by heaviness in our hearts as conflict rages abroad, and young lives are lost daily. Regardless of our religious, ethnic, or political orientation, we each feel the pain of this loss, and have great compassion for families whose loved ones are fighting abroad. May we take care not to get so swept up in the busy-ness of our lives that we lose touch with the heartache that many in our midst are enduring. Now, more than ever, it's essential that we bring the spirit of peace, love, and goodwill toward each other into the new year. May this be a time of healing, compassion, and reaching out--a time to transcend our differences, and strengthen our human connections.How do we stay in touch with and convey to our children spirit and meaning peace, love, and good will? How can we embody each of these in our actions? What follows are some answers to these questions.
1. Speak from the heart.
Let people know either by your spoken words, or through notes you send, how much you love and care about them. Avoid the superficial and inauthentic. Reach deep into your heart and soul, and speak from these when you connect with others. Encourage your children to do the same.
2. Forgive someone.
Think of one person, past or present, toward whom you have ill feelings. Be it a parent, a sibling, a spouse, child, or someone who was once your friend, ask yourself if you can find it in your heart to grant them forgiveness.
Sit down and write a note of forgiveness to this person. This note is just for you. When you're finished, ask yourself if you're ready to make a phone call or send an actual note that helps mend fences. Talk to your children about your process and see if they have someone they need to forgive. Let them know that forgiving is one of the greatest gestures of generosity we can make.
3. Listen with compassion.
So often conversation tends toward the mundane. We go through the motions of talking and listening while our internal conversations ramble on. This year, try listening with an open heart even if you disagree. Listening compassionately simply means that you're making an effort to understand. Try putting yourself in the other person's place as you listen, and see what you can learn. Encourage your children to do this as well. Compassionate listening is another gesture of true magnanimity.
4. Stop and notice.
The rush-rush nature of life often compels us to engage in back-to-back activities without soaking in what we're experiencing. Stop, notice, and take in the small moments: the look in your child's eyes as you admire a drawing she made for you in school; the feel of your mother's arms around you after having been apart; the sound of your friend's voice a thousand miles away. Then, later, reflect. Take some time to write about subtle observations and emotions that you experienced just by stopping and noticing. Resist getting swept up in the swirl. Instead, stay present to the richness of each moment.
5. Make a difference for someone in need.
What can you do to make a difference in someone's life? My sister has a wonderful ritual of taking her children to a home for the aged each New Year's. She and her girls give homemade gifts to elderly people who have no families to visit them. My sister has shared many stories with me about the tears and hugs of the people she and her children have connected with. The small handmade gifts and shared conversation are priceless to the elderly people who would otherwise be alone during this time. Think of things you and your family can do to reach out to others.
6. Continue several of the above suggestions all year long.
If we each made the conscious decision to live in the spirit of peace, love, and goodwill every single day, our world would slowly start to change. For this new year, and all year long, remind yourself and your children that this essential change in our world begins with each of you. We can each be the candle that helps to light the world.
For those of you who have loved ones serving overseas, deepest prayers go to you and to those you love. May they be well wherever they are, and may, someday soon, we find a way to live in peace.
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Guest
Suffering Needs to Be Redeemed
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
-Helen Keller
From "A Troubled Guest: Life and Death Stories" by Nancy Mairs:
Beneath my interest in death, as in disability before it, lay my desire to understand the role of affliction in perfecting human experience. Although suffering is a state often considered scandalous in modern society, a mark of illness to be cured or moral deviance to be corrected, from a spiritual perspective it is simply an element in the human condition, to be neither courted nor combated. To refuse to suffer is to refuse fully to live. Doing so leads not only to risky behaviors (self-mutilation, anorexia nervosa, and addiction all stem from an inauthentic relation to suffering) but also to an anesthesia of the soul which renders play all but impossible. In short, suffering needs to be redeemed and reincorporated into the framework we use to ascribe meaning to otherwise chaotic experience. Without death to round our little lives, they have neither shape nor sweetness nor significance.
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
-Helen Keller
From "A Troubled Guest: Life and Death Stories" by Nancy Mairs:
Beneath my interest in death, as in disability before it, lay my desire to understand the role of affliction in perfecting human experience. Although suffering is a state often considered scandalous in modern society, a mark of illness to be cured or moral deviance to be corrected, from a spiritual perspective it is simply an element in the human condition, to be neither courted nor combated. To refuse to suffer is to refuse fully to live. Doing so leads not only to risky behaviors (self-mutilation, anorexia nervosa, and addiction all stem from an inauthentic relation to suffering) but also to an anesthesia of the soul which renders play all but impossible. In short, suffering needs to be redeemed and reincorporated into the framework we use to ascribe meaning to otherwise chaotic experience. Without death to round our little lives, they have neither shape nor sweetness nor significance.
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lilchimpmunk
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 8:59 am
Students learn lifelong lessons from volunteering
25 November 2004
by Tyrone Burrell
At least one local school has started a service organization for middle-school-age students. Why is it important for kids to get involved in community service?
I think what kids do at a young age kind of sets a tone, the foundation, for their positive involvement in the life of a community for years to come. When I was 11 or 12 years old, I used to cut the grass for the church. You didn't make a lot of money, but I took pride in what I did. Now, I run this organization (Save Our Neighborhoods and Streets). Right now, adults are measuring the degree to which kids show enthusiasm, creativity, effort, resourcefulness. When they are volunteering, they get to expand their skills, especially if they have some mentoring going on along with the community service.
Is it ever too early for kids to get involved in community service?
I don't think so. We've got kids who played in our fifth-grade basketball league, and we find that the kids want to help out with the concession stand or work a video camera. I've got kids who are just eager to help out. There needs to be opportunities for their humanity to be recognized, that they can make a contribution.
What's the benefit of getting kids, say in the second or third grade, involved rather than waiting until they are in high school?
I think if you can involve them and provide the mentoring that goes along with that, in some way reward them, it will just be more in their mindset. I can tell the kids who come from a home where giving has been part of the culture of that home. If we in the community can offer a place where young people can experience the rewards of giving back, it will become a lifelong value.
What are the options available to local youth interested in getting involved?
For us, we've had it where our basketball players have to do three acts of kindness, and it might be shoveling someone's snow. There's a broad array of opportunities. We have some of our teenagers in 11th and 12th grade help coach fifth- and sixth-graders; that's a measure of giving back. Soup kitchens, I think the ARC ... Goodwill, Habitat for Humanity. There are a lot of chances.
What can parents do to get youth interested in serving their community?
For some kids, maybe the intrinsic reward isn't enough. I think if they can see the reward (it helps). Maybe the reward is a 'thank you.' Maybe it's a stipend of some sort. Maybe it's just including them in part of your family, part of your life. Definitely, the appreciation is something that every child should feel.
Is there any kind of community service you would recommend over anything else for youth?
Probably befriending, tutoring, being an example and mentoring another child.
Tyrone Burrell is executive director of the Save Our Neighborhoods and Streets organization in Port Huron, Michigan, USA. Among other things, the group encourages youth to get involved in their communities.
From: The Times Herald, USA
25 November 2004
by Tyrone Burrell
At least one local school has started a service organization for middle-school-age students. Why is it important for kids to get involved in community service?
I think what kids do at a young age kind of sets a tone, the foundation, for their positive involvement in the life of a community for years to come. When I was 11 or 12 years old, I used to cut the grass for the church. You didn't make a lot of money, but I took pride in what I did. Now, I run this organization (Save Our Neighborhoods and Streets). Right now, adults are measuring the degree to which kids show enthusiasm, creativity, effort, resourcefulness. When they are volunteering, they get to expand their skills, especially if they have some mentoring going on along with the community service.
Is it ever too early for kids to get involved in community service?
I don't think so. We've got kids who played in our fifth-grade basketball league, and we find that the kids want to help out with the concession stand or work a video camera. I've got kids who are just eager to help out. There needs to be opportunities for their humanity to be recognized, that they can make a contribution.
What's the benefit of getting kids, say in the second or third grade, involved rather than waiting until they are in high school?
I think if you can involve them and provide the mentoring that goes along with that, in some way reward them, it will just be more in their mindset. I can tell the kids who come from a home where giving has been part of the culture of that home. If we in the community can offer a place where young people can experience the rewards of giving back, it will become a lifelong value.
What are the options available to local youth interested in getting involved?
For us, we've had it where our basketball players have to do three acts of kindness, and it might be shoveling someone's snow. There's a broad array of opportunities. We have some of our teenagers in 11th and 12th grade help coach fifth- and sixth-graders; that's a measure of giving back. Soup kitchens, I think the ARC ... Goodwill, Habitat for Humanity. There are a lot of chances.
What can parents do to get youth interested in serving their community?
For some kids, maybe the intrinsic reward isn't enough. I think if they can see the reward (it helps). Maybe the reward is a 'thank you.' Maybe it's a stipend of some sort. Maybe it's just including them in part of your family, part of your life. Definitely, the appreciation is something that every child should feel.
Is there any kind of community service you would recommend over anything else for youth?
Probably befriending, tutoring, being an example and mentoring another child.
Tyrone Burrell is executive director of the Save Our Neighborhoods and Streets organization in Port Huron, Michigan, USA. Among other things, the group encourages youth to get involved in their communities.
From: The Times Herald, USA
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Guest
Ten Commandments for Peace of Mind
1. Do Not Interfere In Others' Business Unless Asked
Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others'
affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God. God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way.
All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them that way. There is God to look after everything. Why are you bothered? Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.
2. Forgive And Forget
This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often develop ill
feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or harms us. We
nurture grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep, development of
stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. This insult or injury was done
once, but nourishing of grievance goes on forever by constantly remembering it. Get over this bad habit. Believe in the justice of God and the doctrine of Karma. Let Him judge the act of the one who insulted you. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive, Forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.
3. Do Not Crave For Recognition
This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without
selfish motives. They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you. Why do you wish to kill yourself in striving for their recognition? Their recognition is not worth the aggravation. Do your duties ethically and sincerely and leave the rest to God.
4. Do Not Be Jealous
We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not. You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No.Remember everybody's life is shaped by his or her previous Karma, which has now become his destiny. If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only take away your peace of mind.
5. Change Yourself According To The Environment
If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances are you will fail. Instead, change yourself to suit your environment. As you do
this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will
mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.
6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured
This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control. If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully thinking, "God wills it so, so be it." God's plan is beyond our
comprehension. Believe in it and you will gain in terms of patience, inner
strength and will power.
7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew
This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. This is done to
satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. Why take on additional loads that
may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.
8. Meditate Regularly
Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. This is the
highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If you
meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily mediation. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your
efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.
9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant
An empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil actions start in the vacant
mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or temple work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name.
10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret
Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Always remember, God has His own plan, too for you. Value you time and do the things that need to be done. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time.
Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes,
but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Take it as the Will of God. You do not have the power to alter the course of God's Will. Why cry over spilt milk?
1. Do Not Interfere In Others' Business Unless Asked
Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others'
affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God. God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way.
All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them that way. There is God to look after everything. Why are you bothered? Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.
2. Forgive And Forget
This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often develop ill
feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or harms us. We
nurture grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep, development of
stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. This insult or injury was done
once, but nourishing of grievance goes on forever by constantly remembering it. Get over this bad habit. Believe in the justice of God and the doctrine of Karma. Let Him judge the act of the one who insulted you. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive, Forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.
3. Do Not Crave For Recognition
This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without
selfish motives. They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you. Why do you wish to kill yourself in striving for their recognition? Their recognition is not worth the aggravation. Do your duties ethically and sincerely and leave the rest to God.
4. Do Not Be Jealous
We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not. You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No.Remember everybody's life is shaped by his or her previous Karma, which has now become his destiny. If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only take away your peace of mind.
5. Change Yourself According To The Environment
If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances are you will fail. Instead, change yourself to suit your environment. As you do
this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will
mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.
6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured
This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control. If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully thinking, "God wills it so, so be it." God's plan is beyond our
comprehension. Believe in it and you will gain in terms of patience, inner
strength and will power.
7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew
This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. This is done to
satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. Why take on additional loads that
may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.
8. Meditate Regularly
Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. This is the
highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If you
meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily mediation. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your
efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.
9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant
An empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil actions start in the vacant
mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or temple work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name.
10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret
Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Always remember, God has His own plan, too for you. Value you time and do the things that need to be done. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time.
Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes,
but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Take it as the Will of God. You do not have the power to alter the course of God's Will. Why cry over spilt milk?
-
Guest
Shoot For Progress, Not Perfection
Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering you own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew.
-Saint Francis de Sales
From "Body for Life for Women" by Pamela Peeke, M.D.:
Some women have a huge problem with this principle because all their lives, they’ve tried to be perfect—the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect employer, the perfect friend. How about you? Will you try to be the perfect Body-for-Life success story, too? I sure hope not, because this program is not about achieving perfection. It’s about achieving a mental and physical transformation. It’s about optimizing your strengths, navigating around your vulnerabilities, and goin’ for it.
“Progress, not perfection” means that if you work hard and keep your focus 80 percent of the time, you’re doing great. The other 20 percent of the time, you get to be human—fallible. Are you in the grips of hormonal mayhem today? No worries. Blow off your workout today. You’ll regroup and bounce back tomorrow. If you fall of the wagon, for a day, a week, or a month, and binge, don’t carry on like the world is coming to an end. Look for the lessons. Figure out why that binge occurred so it doesn’t happen again. Regroup, and get back on track.
Instead of saying, “I aim for perfection,” say “I aim for progress. Instead of saying, “I wasn’t perfect,” say “I did the best I could, given the constraints and restrictions in my life.”
Every time you feel the urge to say but, say and instead. Consider the difference:
“I removed 20 pounds and I’m more fit, but I have another 15 pounds to go and I still run too slow.”
“Yes, I removed 20 pounds and I’m more fit, and I’m progressing well with my self-care.”
You nip perfection in the bud and give yourself a powerful and loving affirmation. Way to go!
Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering you own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew.
-Saint Francis de Sales
From "Body for Life for Women" by Pamela Peeke, M.D.:
Some women have a huge problem with this principle because all their lives, they’ve tried to be perfect—the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect employer, the perfect friend. How about you? Will you try to be the perfect Body-for-Life success story, too? I sure hope not, because this program is not about achieving perfection. It’s about achieving a mental and physical transformation. It’s about optimizing your strengths, navigating around your vulnerabilities, and goin’ for it.
“Progress, not perfection” means that if you work hard and keep your focus 80 percent of the time, you’re doing great. The other 20 percent of the time, you get to be human—fallible. Are you in the grips of hormonal mayhem today? No worries. Blow off your workout today. You’ll regroup and bounce back tomorrow. If you fall of the wagon, for a day, a week, or a month, and binge, don’t carry on like the world is coming to an end. Look for the lessons. Figure out why that binge occurred so it doesn’t happen again. Regroup, and get back on track.
Instead of saying, “I aim for perfection,” say “I aim for progress. Instead of saying, “I wasn’t perfect,” say “I did the best I could, given the constraints and restrictions in my life.”
Every time you feel the urge to say but, say and instead. Consider the difference:
“I removed 20 pounds and I’m more fit, but I have another 15 pounds to go and I still run too slow.”
“Yes, I removed 20 pounds and I’m more fit, and I’m progressing well with my self-care.”
You nip perfection in the bud and give yourself a powerful and loving affirmation. Way to go!
-
Guest
As long indeed as woodedness
of man to women is not cut
so long in bondage is one’s mind
as milch-calf to the mother cow.
Explanation: As long as a man’s mind is attached to women, even minutely, like a little undergrowth that has not been cut down, so long will his mind be attached like a suckling calf to its mother cow.
of man to women is not cut
so long in bondage is one’s mind
as milch-calf to the mother cow.
Explanation: As long as a man’s mind is attached to women, even minutely, like a little undergrowth that has not been cut down, so long will his mind be attached like a suckling calf to its mother cow.
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Guest
Brain Therapy: Putting Mind Over Matter
Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
-Napoleon Hill
From "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield:
[T]he mind is such a powerful instrument, it can deliver to you literally anything you want. But you have to believe that what you want is possible.
Scientists used to believe that humans responded to information flowing into the brain from the outside world. But today, they’re learning instead that we respond to what the brain, on the basis of previous experience, expects to happen next.
Doctors in Texas, for example—studying the effects of arthroscopic knee surgery—assigned patients with sore, worn-out knees to one of three surgical procedures: scraping out the knee joint, washing out the joint, or doing nothing.
During the “nothing” operation, doctors anesthetized the patient, made three incisions in the knee as if to insert their surgical instruments, and then pretended to operate. Two years after surgery, patients who underwent the pretend surgery reported the same amount of relief from pain and swelling as those who had received the actual treatment. The brain expected the “surgery” to improve the knee, and it did.
Why does the brain work this way? Neuropyschologist who study expectancy theory say it’s because we spend our whole lives becoming conditioned. Through a lifetime’s worth of events, our brain actually learns what to expect next—whether it actually happens that way or not. And because our brain expects something will happen a certain way, we often achieve exactly what we anticipate.
This is why it’s so important to hold positive expectations in your mind. When you replace your old negative expectations with more positive ones—when you begin to believe that what you want is possible—your brain will actually take over the job of accomplishing that possibility for you. Better than that, your brain will actually expect to achieve that outcome.
Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
-Napoleon Hill
From "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield:
[T]he mind is such a powerful instrument, it can deliver to you literally anything you want. But you have to believe that what you want is possible.
Scientists used to believe that humans responded to information flowing into the brain from the outside world. But today, they’re learning instead that we respond to what the brain, on the basis of previous experience, expects to happen next.
Doctors in Texas, for example—studying the effects of arthroscopic knee surgery—assigned patients with sore, worn-out knees to one of three surgical procedures: scraping out the knee joint, washing out the joint, or doing nothing.
During the “nothing” operation, doctors anesthetized the patient, made three incisions in the knee as if to insert their surgical instruments, and then pretended to operate. Two years after surgery, patients who underwent the pretend surgery reported the same amount of relief from pain and swelling as those who had received the actual treatment. The brain expected the “surgery” to improve the knee, and it did.
Why does the brain work this way? Neuropyschologist who study expectancy theory say it’s because we spend our whole lives becoming conditioned. Through a lifetime’s worth of events, our brain actually learns what to expect next—whether it actually happens that way or not. And because our brain expects something will happen a certain way, we often achieve exactly what we anticipate.
This is why it’s so important to hold positive expectations in your mind. When you replace your old negative expectations with more positive ones—when you begin to believe that what you want is possible—your brain will actually take over the job of accomplishing that possibility for you. Better than that, your brain will actually expect to achieve that outcome.
-
Guest
The Divine Cardiologist - Installing Love
Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration,
I've decided to install love. Can you
guide me through the process?
CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think
I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART.
Have you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs
running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have
PAST-HURT.EXE,
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE,
and RESENTMENT.COM
running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE
from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will
eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn
off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent
LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM
have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started
installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other Heart's in order to
get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says
"ERROR 412 -
PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS."
What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that
the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not
yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated
programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have
to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called
"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files
and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory:
FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT,
and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC.
The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching
any programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from
all directories, and to make sure it is completely gone and never
comes back, you will need to empty your recycle bin.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files.
SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows
that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying
themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually
everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is
installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here.
One more thing before I go.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules
to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people
and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist,
also known as The Great Physician.
Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay
heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests a schedule
of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency.
Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration,
I've decided to install love. Can you
guide me through the process?
CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think
I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART.
Have you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs
running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have
PAST-HURT.EXE,
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE,
and RESENTMENT.COM
running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE
from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will
eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn
off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent
LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM
have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started
installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other Heart's in order to
get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says
"ERROR 412 -
PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS."
What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that
the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not
yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated
programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have
to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called
"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files
and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory:
FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT,
and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC.
The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching
any programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from
all directories, and to make sure it is completely gone and never
comes back, you will need to empty your recycle bin.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files.
SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows
that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying
themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually
everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is
installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here.
One more thing before I go.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules
to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people
and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist,
also known as The Great Physician.
Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay
heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests a schedule
of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency.
-
Guest
Growing Pains
We learn to fly not by becoming fearless, but by the daily practice of courage.
-Sam Keen
From "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck:
Life is difficult.
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters...
Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them? ...
What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one...Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. When we desire to encourage the growth of the human spirit, we challenge the human capacity to solve problems, just as in school we deliberately set problems for our children to solve. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn. As Benjamin Franklin said, "Those things that hurt, instruct." It is for this reason that wise people learn not to dread but actually to welcome problems and to actually welcome the pain of problems.
We learn to fly not by becoming fearless, but by the daily practice of courage.
-Sam Keen
From "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck:
Life is difficult.
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters...
Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them? ...
What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one...Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. When we desire to encourage the growth of the human spirit, we challenge the human capacity to solve problems, just as in school we deliberately set problems for our children to solve. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn. As Benjamin Franklin said, "Those things that hurt, instruct." It is for this reason that wise people learn not to dread but actually to welcome problems and to actually welcome the pain of problems.
-
Guest
How We Learn to Trust
The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.
-Henry L. Stimson
From "Brain Scans Illuminate the Value of Trustworthiness," Spirituality & Health Magazine (July/August 2005):
What is the psychophysiology of trust? In other words, does everybody’s brain function similarly if we establish a relationship of trust?
Sound esoteric? Not to a team of neuroscientists at Baylor College of Medicine and the California Institute of Technology who used a computerized game to study the psychophysiology of trust. Their game was based on economic exchange where trust was defined as the amount of money a sender gave to a receiver without external enforcement. What made the experiment interesting was that the pairs of people playing each game were in separate brain imaging laboratories that were 1,500 miles apart. All conventional social cues were removed from the games.
In each of the 10 rounds, one player (investor) had the option of investing any portion of $20 with the other player (trustee). The money appreciated at a rate of three times the investment, at which point the trustee had to decide how much of the tripled amount to give back. The experiment compared benevolent, malevolent, and neutral conditions in a tit-for-tat design. In the benevolent conditions, investors sent more money in response to the trustee sending less in repayment. In the malevolent condition, the investor repaid the trustee’s generosity with a breach of trust. The researchers used a functional MRI to watch what was going on inside players’ brains.
Scientists found that reciprocity expressed by one player strongly predicted the future trust expressed by his partner. Especially interesting was that the magnitude of the brain’s response to an "intention to trust" correlated with the next play of the game, a factor that grew over the course of the series of games. In other words, the trustee grew to anticipate trust if the investor showed reciprocity in previous games.
These data, published in Science (April 1, 2005) suggest that we form mental models of other people’s intentions that allow us to make predictions about their future behavior, and that these models can change over time based on our experiences: if we want to be trusted, we need to be trustworthy. These data also speak to the ways in which we are alike: we are linked in a complex system of interrelatedness, even when we are separated by thousands of miles.
The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.
-Henry L. Stimson
From "Brain Scans Illuminate the Value of Trustworthiness," Spirituality & Health Magazine (July/August 2005):
What is the psychophysiology of trust? In other words, does everybody’s brain function similarly if we establish a relationship of trust?
Sound esoteric? Not to a team of neuroscientists at Baylor College of Medicine and the California Institute of Technology who used a computerized game to study the psychophysiology of trust. Their game was based on economic exchange where trust was defined as the amount of money a sender gave to a receiver without external enforcement. What made the experiment interesting was that the pairs of people playing each game were in separate brain imaging laboratories that were 1,500 miles apart. All conventional social cues were removed from the games.
In each of the 10 rounds, one player (investor) had the option of investing any portion of $20 with the other player (trustee). The money appreciated at a rate of three times the investment, at which point the trustee had to decide how much of the tripled amount to give back. The experiment compared benevolent, malevolent, and neutral conditions in a tit-for-tat design. In the benevolent conditions, investors sent more money in response to the trustee sending less in repayment. In the malevolent condition, the investor repaid the trustee’s generosity with a breach of trust. The researchers used a functional MRI to watch what was going on inside players’ brains.
Scientists found that reciprocity expressed by one player strongly predicted the future trust expressed by his partner. Especially interesting was that the magnitude of the brain’s response to an "intention to trust" correlated with the next play of the game, a factor that grew over the course of the series of games. In other words, the trustee grew to anticipate trust if the investor showed reciprocity in previous games.
These data, published in Science (April 1, 2005) suggest that we form mental models of other people’s intentions that allow us to make predictions about their future behavior, and that these models can change over time based on our experiences: if we want to be trusted, we need to be trustworthy. These data also speak to the ways in which we are alike: we are linked in a complex system of interrelatedness, even when we are separated by thousands of miles.
-
Guest
Just Let Go
Stress, in addition to being itself and the result of itself, is also the cause of itself.
-Hans Selye
From "The Spirit of Buddhism: The Future of Dharma in the West," by Sogyal Rinpoche:
So often we make something huge out of a simple problem, and blow it out of all proportion. How many of our difficulties start with one tiny misunderstanding: someone didn't give us their usual smile today; our teacher gave us a stern look or our best friend criticized us; this morning's cup of coffee tasted bitter; we woke up feeling a bit cranky... that's all it takes to ruin our whole day! We can find ourselves so fragile, so frail and vulnerable that any offhand remark, any hasty reaction or ill-timed joke, can puncture our confidence completely. If we don't catch the misunderstanding there and then, it can act like a seed that germinates and grows bigger and bigger...
We revel in self-pity or depression. But above all, we cannot let go of it. As if hell-bent on bringing everything to a painful point, almost as if we wanted to take revenge on someone or something—which always turns out to be ourselves-we lurch unfailingly toward a crisis. Meanwhile our delusion, or our depression, looms like some macabre sculpture we are fashioning, or a building we are feverishly constructing, enlarging and extending, and finally topping with the discovery of some deep-seated, ancient problem, so that everything is assembled into an ideal home, complete with all the best reasons why we should be depressed. Yet what escapes us all along, apart from the fact that our problem is not even that serious, let alone disastrous, is this: it is built from nothing! It does not really exist.
* * *
Stress, in addition to being itself and the result of itself, is also the cause of itself.
-Hans Selye
From "The Spirit of Buddhism: The Future of Dharma in the West," by Sogyal Rinpoche:
So often we make something huge out of a simple problem, and blow it out of all proportion. How many of our difficulties start with one tiny misunderstanding: someone didn't give us their usual smile today; our teacher gave us a stern look or our best friend criticized us; this morning's cup of coffee tasted bitter; we woke up feeling a bit cranky... that's all it takes to ruin our whole day! We can find ourselves so fragile, so frail and vulnerable that any offhand remark, any hasty reaction or ill-timed joke, can puncture our confidence completely. If we don't catch the misunderstanding there and then, it can act like a seed that germinates and grows bigger and bigger...
We revel in self-pity or depression. But above all, we cannot let go of it. As if hell-bent on bringing everything to a painful point, almost as if we wanted to take revenge on someone or something—which always turns out to be ourselves-we lurch unfailingly toward a crisis. Meanwhile our delusion, or our depression, looms like some macabre sculpture we are fashioning, or a building we are feverishly constructing, enlarging and extending, and finally topping with the discovery of some deep-seated, ancient problem, so that everything is assembled into an ideal home, complete with all the best reasons why we should be depressed. Yet what escapes us all along, apart from the fact that our problem is not even that serious, let alone disastrous, is this: it is built from nothing! It does not really exist.
* * *
-
Guest
What's Your "Energy Habit"?
Faith is not a cushion for me to fall back upon; it is my working energy.
-Helen Keller
From "365 Energy Boosters," by Susannah Seton and Sondra Kornblatt:
For each of us, our life force manifests in four kinds of energy: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. And they are not separate—each profoundly affects the others. Each also is associated with a particular element. Your physical energy is earth energy. Emotional energy is associated with water—tears, overflowing feelings. Mental energy corresponds to the air, the energy of consciousness, while fire—passion, commitment—is associated with spiritual energy.
Each of us has a particular energy habit, a way of relying on certain of these energies when we face obstacles or challenges in our lives. Some of us are very 'fiery,' responding passionately to almost everything. Others use air strategies, becoming very mental or analytic. Others overflow with feelings (water); still others get very stubborn and unmoving (earth). What is your primary energy habit? Do you use them all? Do you over-rely on one? In what situations do you use which? The more we become conscious about these energies, the more choice we have to use one or another, where appropriate."
Faith is not a cushion for me to fall back upon; it is my working energy.
-Helen Keller
From "365 Energy Boosters," by Susannah Seton and Sondra Kornblatt:
For each of us, our life force manifests in four kinds of energy: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. And they are not separate—each profoundly affects the others. Each also is associated with a particular element. Your physical energy is earth energy. Emotional energy is associated with water—tears, overflowing feelings. Mental energy corresponds to the air, the energy of consciousness, while fire—passion, commitment—is associated with spiritual energy.
Each of us has a particular energy habit, a way of relying on certain of these energies when we face obstacles or challenges in our lives. Some of us are very 'fiery,' responding passionately to almost everything. Others use air strategies, becoming very mental or analytic. Others overflow with feelings (water); still others get very stubborn and unmoving (earth). What is your primary energy habit? Do you use them all? Do you over-rely on one? In what situations do you use which? The more we become conscious about these energies, the more choice we have to use one or another, where appropriate."
-
Guest
The following summary is merely a brief outline from Cherie Carter-Scott's book 'If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules'. I believe the rules contain a lot of wisdom. Enjoy!
Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood."
~ Helen Keller
If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules
by Cherie Carter-Scott
Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.
Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.
Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.
Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.
Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.
Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.
Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.
Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.
Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.
Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.
Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood."
~ Helen Keller
If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules
by Cherie Carter-Scott
Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.
Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.
Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.
Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.
Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.
Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.
Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.
Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.
Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.
Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.
-
Guest
Never Judge a Person by His Tattoos
Do the great while it is still small.
-Tao Te Ching
From "Invisible Acts of Power" by Caroline Myss:
One evening during the summer, as I was sitting on my balcony, I noticed a young man waiting at the bus stop across the street from my home. He was about seventeen years old and dressed in every way that makes me nuts. His slacks were dragging on the concrete, completely covering his feet. I counted three tattoos on his muscled arms and a complement of pierced ears and eyebrow. Imitating my parents from thirty years ago, I thought, "What is wrong with these kids today? Why do they want to look like this?"
As I was manufacturing my own opinions about this boy, an older woman began to struggle across the street with oversize, heavy boxes. The young man noticed her, too, and, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, walked over and offered to help her. She gratefully released the boxes into his arms and led him to her car. He placed her belongings in the trunk, nodded, and turned to go, but in the most remarkable, touching way, the woman wrapped her arms around him and gave him a warm bear hug of a thank-you. Then she drove away. He stood smiling a moment and returned to the bus stop. Within a minute of that tender exchange, he was aboard his bus, leaving me alone on my porch to think about the extraordinary encounter I had just witnessed. Perhaps this young man would never think about that older woman again and the favor he had done for her. But the woman certainly would. She had been graced with help that had come out of nowhere just when she needed it…
I began to think about how little it takes to do a lot for someone else and about the amazing, long-range consequences of a single thoughtful act... What really takes place inside you when you respond to someone in need? Why do some people jump out of their seats to help another person, while others look the other way?... I think it is the invisible power of grace, moving between the open hearts of the giver and the receiver. The action itself, the lifting of a heavy piece of luggage or the drink of water offered to the thirsty man, may be small. But the energy that is channeled through the action is the high-voltage current of grace. It contains the power to renew someone's faith in himself. It even has the power to save a life.
Do the great while it is still small.
-Tao Te Ching
From "Invisible Acts of Power" by Caroline Myss:
One evening during the summer, as I was sitting on my balcony, I noticed a young man waiting at the bus stop across the street from my home. He was about seventeen years old and dressed in every way that makes me nuts. His slacks were dragging on the concrete, completely covering his feet. I counted three tattoos on his muscled arms and a complement of pierced ears and eyebrow. Imitating my parents from thirty years ago, I thought, "What is wrong with these kids today? Why do they want to look like this?"
As I was manufacturing my own opinions about this boy, an older woman began to struggle across the street with oversize, heavy boxes. The young man noticed her, too, and, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, walked over and offered to help her. She gratefully released the boxes into his arms and led him to her car. He placed her belongings in the trunk, nodded, and turned to go, but in the most remarkable, touching way, the woman wrapped her arms around him and gave him a warm bear hug of a thank-you. Then she drove away. He stood smiling a moment and returned to the bus stop. Within a minute of that tender exchange, he was aboard his bus, leaving me alone on my porch to think about the extraordinary encounter I had just witnessed. Perhaps this young man would never think about that older woman again and the favor he had done for her. But the woman certainly would. She had been graced with help that had come out of nowhere just when she needed it…
I began to think about how little it takes to do a lot for someone else and about the amazing, long-range consequences of a single thoughtful act... What really takes place inside you when you respond to someone in need? Why do some people jump out of their seats to help another person, while others look the other way?... I think it is the invisible power of grace, moving between the open hearts of the giver and the receiver. The action itself, the lifting of a heavy piece of luggage or the drink of water offered to the thirsty man, may be small. But the energy that is channeled through the action is the high-voltage current of grace. It contains the power to renew someone's faith in himself. It even has the power to save a life.
Heaven Knows You Need Your Rest
If you don't do what's best for your body, you're the one who comes up on the short end.
-Julius Erving
From "Fit for God" by La Vita M. Weaver:
God knew that in the hustle and bustle of our society we would get so caught up in the everyday affairs of living we would forget a basic need such as rest. And He was right. Many people today complain of fatigue and exhaustion, and of not having enough time to do everything they need to do. Others rely on coffee and other stimulants to push them beyond their body’s limit. Many health problems of today are associated with fatigue and overwork—some people are called workaholics. We insist that we don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything we need to do, insinuating that the Omnipotent, Almighty, Wise, and Eternal Creator somehow didn’t know what He was doing when He created the twenty-four hour day. God never intended for us to get so caught up in money, success, and doing so much that we forget about what is truly important in life. If we truly needed more time, He would have given it to us. The problem is not that we don’t have enough time; the problem is that we don’t use our time wisely. We try to do too much or we waste precious time.
God Himself set the stage by being an example. The Sabbath was a day set aside when the children of Israel could reflect on the goodness of God, on who He is all and He had done for them. The word "Sabbath" comes from the Hebrew word meaning "to cease." When they were in the wilderness, the children of Israel gathered twice as much manna on the sixth day so there would be enough for them to rest on the seventh day. Later, the Jewish household cooked the previous day so that on the Sabbath they could focus on God and rest from their daily work. Even their animals rested every seven days. The Sabbath was so important that God gave it to Moses as one of the Ten Commandments and it became a law.
When God designed the human body, He designed it to need rest. Without this rest it is impossible to function properly and continue to grow...Remember Elijah in I Kings, Chapter 19? He was the prophet of God who felt so all alone that he asked God if he could die. Well, Elijah also had another problem. After he ran an entire day’s journey in the desert, he was exhausted, discouraged, and depressed. The angel of the Lord told him to get up and eat and drink something. After he did this, he rested. He then got up a second time, ate and drank again, and rested again. He was then strengthened and continued his forty-day journey. Although Elijah was miraculously used by the Spirit of God, he was still in a physical body with physical restrictions and limitations. He needed the food for strength, and he also needed the rest to refresh his body and prepare him to continue his journey ahead.
There is no doubt that not getting sufficient sleep is bad for your health. When most people are extremely tired, they tend to overeat.
* * *
If you don't do what's best for your body, you're the one who comes up on the short end.
-Julius Erving
From "Fit for God" by La Vita M. Weaver:
God knew that in the hustle and bustle of our society we would get so caught up in the everyday affairs of living we would forget a basic need such as rest. And He was right. Many people today complain of fatigue and exhaustion, and of not having enough time to do everything they need to do. Others rely on coffee and other stimulants to push them beyond their body’s limit. Many health problems of today are associated with fatigue and overwork—some people are called workaholics. We insist that we don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything we need to do, insinuating that the Omnipotent, Almighty, Wise, and Eternal Creator somehow didn’t know what He was doing when He created the twenty-four hour day. God never intended for us to get so caught up in money, success, and doing so much that we forget about what is truly important in life. If we truly needed more time, He would have given it to us. The problem is not that we don’t have enough time; the problem is that we don’t use our time wisely. We try to do too much or we waste precious time.
God Himself set the stage by being an example. The Sabbath was a day set aside when the children of Israel could reflect on the goodness of God, on who He is all and He had done for them. The word "Sabbath" comes from the Hebrew word meaning "to cease." When they were in the wilderness, the children of Israel gathered twice as much manna on the sixth day so there would be enough for them to rest on the seventh day. Later, the Jewish household cooked the previous day so that on the Sabbath they could focus on God and rest from their daily work. Even their animals rested every seven days. The Sabbath was so important that God gave it to Moses as one of the Ten Commandments and it became a law.
When God designed the human body, He designed it to need rest. Without this rest it is impossible to function properly and continue to grow...Remember Elijah in I Kings, Chapter 19? He was the prophet of God who felt so all alone that he asked God if he could die. Well, Elijah also had another problem. After he ran an entire day’s journey in the desert, he was exhausted, discouraged, and depressed. The angel of the Lord told him to get up and eat and drink something. After he did this, he rested. He then got up a second time, ate and drank again, and rested again. He was then strengthened and continued his forty-day journey. Although Elijah was miraculously used by the Spirit of God, he was still in a physical body with physical restrictions and limitations. He needed the food for strength, and he also needed the rest to refresh his body and prepare him to continue his journey ahead.
There is no doubt that not getting sufficient sleep is bad for your health. When most people are extremely tired, they tend to overeat.
* * *
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Guest
The Holy Spirit Has a Job for You
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia
From "A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles," by by Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
In order to ensure our progress toward the goal of enlightenment, the Holy Spirit has a highly individualized curriculum for everyone. Every encounter, every circumstance can be used by Him for His purposes. He translates between our perfect cosmic self, and our worldly insanity. He enters into the illusion and leads us beyond it. He uses love to create more love, and He responds to fear as a call for love.
Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don't know it.
To become a miracle worker means to take part in a spiritual underground that's revitalizing the world, participating in a revolution of the world's values at the deepest possible level.
We're all assigned a piece of the garden, a corner of the universe that is ours to transform. Our corner of the universe is our own life—our relationships, our homes, our work, our current circumstances—exactly as they are. Every situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity, perfectly planned by the Holy Spirit, to teach love instead of fear.
Relationships are the Holy Spirit's laboratories in which He brings together people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia
From "A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles," by by Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
In order to ensure our progress toward the goal of enlightenment, the Holy Spirit has a highly individualized curriculum for everyone. Every encounter, every circumstance can be used by Him for His purposes. He translates between our perfect cosmic self, and our worldly insanity. He enters into the illusion and leads us beyond it. He uses love to create more love, and He responds to fear as a call for love.
Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don't know it.
To become a miracle worker means to take part in a spiritual underground that's revitalizing the world, participating in a revolution of the world's values at the deepest possible level.
We're all assigned a piece of the garden, a corner of the universe that is ours to transform. Our corner of the universe is our own life—our relationships, our homes, our work, our current circumstances—exactly as they are. Every situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity, perfectly planned by the Holy Spirit, to teach love instead of fear.
Relationships are the Holy Spirit's laboratories in which He brings together people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth.
Read below? It’s a great message!!!
It was a sports stadium. Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event.
* Ready!
* Steady!
* Bang!!!
With the sound of the Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly had they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to the bruises and pain she started crying.
When the other seven girls heard this sound, they stopped running, stood for a while and turned back; they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down. One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and enquired 'Now the pain must have reduced'. All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her, two of them held the girl firmly and all seven joined hands and walked together and reached the winning post.
Officials were shocked. Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium. Many eyes were filled with tears and perhaps it had even reached GOD!
This happened in Hyderabad [INDIA], recently ! The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health. All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children. They were mentally retarded. What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?????
Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are not left far behind.
This is really a great message...Spread it!
With Warm Regards,
Karishma Charania
Career Co-ordinator
VGCC Dept. AKES,I
It was a sports stadium. Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event.
* Ready!
* Steady!
* Bang!!!
With the sound of the Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly had they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to the bruises and pain she started crying.
When the other seven girls heard this sound, they stopped running, stood for a while and turned back; they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down. One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and enquired 'Now the pain must have reduced'. All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her, two of them held the girl firmly and all seven joined hands and walked together and reached the winning post.
Officials were shocked. Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium. Many eyes were filled with tears and perhaps it had even reached GOD!
This happened in Hyderabad [INDIA], recently ! The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health. All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children. They were mentally retarded. What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?????
Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are not left far behind.
This is really a great message...Spread it!
With Warm Regards,
Karishma Charania
Career Co-ordinator
VGCC Dept. AKES,I
The Wooden Bowl
Thanks to Lorraine Cameron-Munro for sending this and sharing it with others.
I guarantee you'll remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow,
> one week from now, a month from now and even a year from now.
>A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four
>year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was
>blurred, and his step faltered.
>
The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's
>shakey hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off
>his spoon and onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, his milk
>spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became very irritated with the mess.
>"We must do something about Grandfather", said the son. "I've had
>enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and the food on the floor."
>So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There,
>Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
>Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in
>a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction,
>sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.
>Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions
>when he had dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old boy
>watched it all in silence.
>One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with
>wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child curiously, "What are
>you making?"
>Sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you
>and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old
>smiled, and went back to work.
>The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then
>tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was
>spoken, both knew what must be done.
>That evening, the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led
>him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate
>every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband
>nor wife seemed to care any longer if a fork was dropped, when
>milk was spilled, or when the tablecloth was soiled.
>On a positive note, I've learned that life sometimes gives you a
>second chance. I've learned that whenever I decide something
>with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
>
>I've learned everyday, you should reach out and touch someone.
>People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or
>just a friendly pat on the back.
>I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems
>today, life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow.
>I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your
>parents, you will miss them when they are gone from your life.
>I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way
>he or she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and
>a late friend.
>
>I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making
>a life. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you.
>But, if you will focus on your family, your friends, the needs of
>others, your work, and doing the very best you can, happiness
>will find you.
>I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's
>mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something
>back.
>
>I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
>
>
>Do not curse the darkness
>Light a candle instead.
>
Thanks to Lorraine Cameron-Munro for sending this and sharing it with others.
I guarantee you'll remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow,
> one week from now, a month from now and even a year from now.
>A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four
>year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was
>blurred, and his step faltered.
>
The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's
>shakey hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off
>his spoon and onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, his milk
>spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became very irritated with the mess.
>"We must do something about Grandfather", said the son. "I've had
>enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and the food on the floor."
>So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There,
>Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
>Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in
>a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction,
>sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.
>Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions
>when he had dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old boy
>watched it all in silence.
>One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with
>wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child curiously, "What are
>you making?"
>Sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you
>and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old
>smiled, and went back to work.
>The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then
>tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was
>spoken, both knew what must be done.
>That evening, the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led
>him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate
>every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband
>nor wife seemed to care any longer if a fork was dropped, when
>milk was spilled, or when the tablecloth was soiled.
>On a positive note, I've learned that life sometimes gives you a
>second chance. I've learned that whenever I decide something
>with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
>
>I've learned everyday, you should reach out and touch someone.
>People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or
>just a friendly pat on the back.
>I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems
>today, life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow.
>I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your
>parents, you will miss them when they are gone from your life.
>I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way
>he or she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and
>a late friend.
>
>I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making
>a life. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you.
>But, if you will focus on your family, your friends, the needs of
>others, your work, and doing the very best you can, happiness
>will find you.
>I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's
>mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something
>back.
>
>I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
>
>
>Do not curse the darkness
>Light a candle instead.
>
-
Guest
Mouthwash Won't Make You Happy
If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
-Albert Einstein
From "Loving Each Other," by Leo Buscalglia:
We cannot look for joy as we do a lost article of clothing. We make our own happiness. We define it for ourselves and experience it in our unique way. No one can be happy for us nor tell us what should make us happy, though people will always try. The sad fact is that we fall into Madison Avenue traps which convince us that happiness is the right drink, the flashy automobile, the scented deodorant, bursting-with-health cereal or the special snack food. Even the wisest among us are seduced by the exuberant TV ad or the seductive graphic into believing that we, too, can change our lives if we switch to a new mouthwash. We never stop to think that there is nothing in the world which can be given or denied us that will bring us happiness unless we decide it. In fact, the happiest people in the world would probably still be happy if stripped of everything except life...
I constantly had this affirmed in my work with handicapped individuals. I saw quadriplegics who smiled and laughed their way through life, while those working with them, with every physical advantage, were often miserable, unsatisfied and depressed. It is strange that some of the happiest people I have ever known were those who seemed to have no particular cause to rejoice. They were simply happy. They seemed to have in common a singular courage, a willingness to risk, to fail and let go, a belief in themselves, a wonderful resourcefulness, a trust in their creative uniqueness and an ability to hold on to their dream.
If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
-Albert Einstein
From "Loving Each Other," by Leo Buscalglia:
We cannot look for joy as we do a lost article of clothing. We make our own happiness. We define it for ourselves and experience it in our unique way. No one can be happy for us nor tell us what should make us happy, though people will always try. The sad fact is that we fall into Madison Avenue traps which convince us that happiness is the right drink, the flashy automobile, the scented deodorant, bursting-with-health cereal or the special snack food. Even the wisest among us are seduced by the exuberant TV ad or the seductive graphic into believing that we, too, can change our lives if we switch to a new mouthwash. We never stop to think that there is nothing in the world which can be given or denied us that will bring us happiness unless we decide it. In fact, the happiest people in the world would probably still be happy if stripped of everything except life...
I constantly had this affirmed in my work with handicapped individuals. I saw quadriplegics who smiled and laughed their way through life, while those working with them, with every physical advantage, were often miserable, unsatisfied and depressed. It is strange that some of the happiest people I have ever known were those who seemed to have no particular cause to rejoice. They were simply happy. They seemed to have in common a singular courage, a willingness to risk, to fail and let go, a belief in themselves, a wonderful resourcefulness, a trust in their creative uniqueness and an ability to hold on to their dream.
There are faces I remember from the place in my past. Sometimes I can laugh and cry and I can’t remember why, but I still love those times gone by.
James Taylor
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
Mother Teresa
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa
James Taylor
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
Mother Teresa
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa
-
Guest
Trade in Your Troubles
When you have nothing left but God, you become aware that God is enough.
-Guideposts
From "The Joy of Weight Loss: A Spiritual Guide to Easy Fitness" by Norris Chumley:
What I'm encouraging you to do may seem difficult at first but will prove to be the simplest and most effective way to relieve all your suffering and find deep and lasting joy.
I'm suggesting that you give a gift to your creator. Give the gift of all your problems. Put aside your temporary pleasures of too much food, too much leisure, and inactivity. Let go of your many thoughts of self-hatred and fear. Let go of your ego that’s getting in the way of your salvation from obesity. I’m suggesting you give up your troubles, quit fighting, and trade them in for something better. Give up the past and all of your mistaken attempts, as well as the sorrow and pain. Let go of the constant self-pleasure in order to gain something much better—infinite peace and happiness in the arms of your creator, God.
There is such safety, peace, and joy with God: a loving presence, a deep calm of great reassurance. God is available to you always, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, 366 days a year. And you don’t have to use public transportation to find Him, either!
The truth is that God is ready for you. You are already with God; you are just avoiding Him. All that needs to be done is to acknowledge God and finally receive His gift of love.
Get out of your own way, open your eyes, and see God. Open your heart and feel His presence. Let go of the past and go into the future with God, together.
In other words: Discover and let yourself experience the secret that will completely solve your weight problems and all of your problems. The way to receive genuine freedom from the tyranny of your old, self-defeating behaviors is: ASK GOD FOR HELP.
When you have nothing left but God, you become aware that God is enough.
-Guideposts
From "The Joy of Weight Loss: A Spiritual Guide to Easy Fitness" by Norris Chumley:
What I'm encouraging you to do may seem difficult at first but will prove to be the simplest and most effective way to relieve all your suffering and find deep and lasting joy.
I'm suggesting that you give a gift to your creator. Give the gift of all your problems. Put aside your temporary pleasures of too much food, too much leisure, and inactivity. Let go of your many thoughts of self-hatred and fear. Let go of your ego that’s getting in the way of your salvation from obesity. I’m suggesting you give up your troubles, quit fighting, and trade them in for something better. Give up the past and all of your mistaken attempts, as well as the sorrow and pain. Let go of the constant self-pleasure in order to gain something much better—infinite peace and happiness in the arms of your creator, God.
There is such safety, peace, and joy with God: a loving presence, a deep calm of great reassurance. God is available to you always, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, 366 days a year. And you don’t have to use public transportation to find Him, either!
The truth is that God is ready for you. You are already with God; you are just avoiding Him. All that needs to be done is to acknowledge God and finally receive His gift of love.
Get out of your own way, open your eyes, and see God. Open your heart and feel His presence. Let go of the past and go into the future with God, together.
In other words: Discover and let yourself experience the secret that will completely solve your weight problems and all of your problems. The way to receive genuine freedom from the tyranny of your old, self-defeating behaviors is: ASK GOD FOR HELP.
-
Guest
When Does a Blessing Become a Blessing?
We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.
-George Bernard Shaw
From "Healing Words for the Body, Mind and Spirit," by Caren Golman:
Last winter, I visited Verne Edwards for the first time in more than twenty-five years. Although occasional letters, cards, phone calls and email helped me to stay in touch with my college mentor, whenever we planned to meet, random acts of life and weather cancelled them. And so time passed, and for a quarter of a century the slightly-built man who sported a touch of curmudgeon and I lived in our own worlds only two hours apart.
But the winter of 2000 was different. For me it was a cold, icy time when the pain and discontent I felt over my brush with a life-threatening illness kept cutting into me like the blade of my surgeon's knife. And yet it was also a winter where I felt ablaze with love, support, and gifts of self-healing that I had never experienced before. In gratitude for the life I saw ahead of me, I wanted to look back at my past and knew I needed to see Verne.
When we met again, I instantly recognized my dapper, snowy-haired journalism professor. Turning toward me, he did a double take. Over lunch, as our conversation drifted to the past, I began thanking him for his blessings—for telling me that I had what it took to become a successful writer; for being a tough but fair task-master; for believing in me when I didn't; for bailing a renegade out of all kinds of deep, smelly, stuff; for listening; for taking the risk to stand up to those whose self-serving interests might have harmed me; and for being so trustworthy and trusting. In turn, his eyes, expressions and words thanked me.
When, I wonder, does a blessing become a blessing? Is it when it's thought of? When it's spoken? When it's heard, or when it's acknowledged—not just in the head but in the heart? In his poem "Vacilliation," William Butler Yeats wrote that, sometime after his fiftieth birthday, he was sitting alone in a coffee shop and knew "of a sudden" that he was "blessed and could bless." When Verne and I embraced and then parted on that winter day in Delaware, Ohio, I knew that I was blessed and had blessed.
* * *
We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.
-George Bernard Shaw
From "Healing Words for the Body, Mind and Spirit," by Caren Golman:
Last winter, I visited Verne Edwards for the first time in more than twenty-five years. Although occasional letters, cards, phone calls and email helped me to stay in touch with my college mentor, whenever we planned to meet, random acts of life and weather cancelled them. And so time passed, and for a quarter of a century the slightly-built man who sported a touch of curmudgeon and I lived in our own worlds only two hours apart.
But the winter of 2000 was different. For me it was a cold, icy time when the pain and discontent I felt over my brush with a life-threatening illness kept cutting into me like the blade of my surgeon's knife. And yet it was also a winter where I felt ablaze with love, support, and gifts of self-healing that I had never experienced before. In gratitude for the life I saw ahead of me, I wanted to look back at my past and knew I needed to see Verne.
When we met again, I instantly recognized my dapper, snowy-haired journalism professor. Turning toward me, he did a double take. Over lunch, as our conversation drifted to the past, I began thanking him for his blessings—for telling me that I had what it took to become a successful writer; for being a tough but fair task-master; for believing in me when I didn't; for bailing a renegade out of all kinds of deep, smelly, stuff; for listening; for taking the risk to stand up to those whose self-serving interests might have harmed me; and for being so trustworthy and trusting. In turn, his eyes, expressions and words thanked me.
When, I wonder, does a blessing become a blessing? Is it when it's thought of? When it's spoken? When it's heard, or when it's acknowledged—not just in the head but in the heart? In his poem "Vacilliation," William Butler Yeats wrote that, sometime after his fiftieth birthday, he was sitting alone in a coffee shop and knew "of a sudden" that he was "blessed and could bless." When Verne and I embraced and then parted on that winter day in Delaware, Ohio, I knew that I was blessed and had blessed.
* * *
No fun when mom's shut out
Gradually, my family is shutting itself off from the world.
First, we stopped answering the phone. We leave the answering machine on audio so we can hear all messages being left. If it is someone we know, we pick up. If there's just a click, we declare ourselves victorious in eluding the dreaded telemarketer.
This all started more than a decade ago when we got the answering machine as a present and I accidentally set it on the audio function.
As a family that routinely gets half a dozen calls at dinnertime, we quickly discovered the benefits of being able to screen our calls.
We started noticing a steady barrage of callers at our front door, too.
Being a staunch NDP riding both provincially and federally, our area seems to attract many lefty organizations looking for people to sign petitions or donate money for their causes. Girl Guides selling cookies, Scouts selling popcorn, carollers raising money for a local shelter, kids shovelling snow — even a man selling frozen meat and fish from the back of his truck — marked a steady parade to our porch.
So, unless we felt like forking out some dough or were expecting friends, we just let the doorbell ring.
Recently, I discovered the flaws in the plan.
I had taken the recycling bins to the curb when my husband, spying the front door unlocked, locked it and went to the basement to watch television. Our two children joined him.
When I couldn't get into the house, I began banging on the door and ringing the bell. Everyone ignored the racket because they figured I was around somewhere to answer a truly important visitor.
Since the door was never for them, why bother?
I went to a neighbour's house and used her telephone to call home.
Ignored again.
I pleaded with them over the answering machine to let me in but the machine is upstairs in the kitchen.
Finally, I crawled around to the basement window and banged loudly until someone spied this frozen, dishevelled woman glaring through the glass.
After everyone had a good laugh, we realized we needed a fall-back plan.
From now on, if we really need to reach someone at the house, we will use email.
Gradually, my family is shutting itself off from the world.
First, we stopped answering the phone. We leave the answering machine on audio so we can hear all messages being left. If it is someone we know, we pick up. If there's just a click, we declare ourselves victorious in eluding the dreaded telemarketer.
This all started more than a decade ago when we got the answering machine as a present and I accidentally set it on the audio function.
As a family that routinely gets half a dozen calls at dinnertime, we quickly discovered the benefits of being able to screen our calls.
We started noticing a steady barrage of callers at our front door, too.
Being a staunch NDP riding both provincially and federally, our area seems to attract many lefty organizations looking for people to sign petitions or donate money for their causes. Girl Guides selling cookies, Scouts selling popcorn, carollers raising money for a local shelter, kids shovelling snow — even a man selling frozen meat and fish from the back of his truck — marked a steady parade to our porch.
So, unless we felt like forking out some dough or were expecting friends, we just let the doorbell ring.
Recently, I discovered the flaws in the plan.
I had taken the recycling bins to the curb when my husband, spying the front door unlocked, locked it and went to the basement to watch television. Our two children joined him.
When I couldn't get into the house, I began banging on the door and ringing the bell. Everyone ignored the racket because they figured I was around somewhere to answer a truly important visitor.
Since the door was never for them, why bother?
I went to a neighbour's house and used her telephone to call home.
Ignored again.
I pleaded with them over the answering machine to let me in but the machine is upstairs in the kitchen.
Finally, I crawled around to the basement window and banged loudly until someone spied this frozen, dishevelled woman glaring through the glass.
After everyone had a good laugh, we realized we needed a fall-back plan.
From now on, if we really need to reach someone at the house, we will use email.