God will provide

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 20, 2017 1:56 pm

Girl friend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boy friend: You are both.
Girl friend: What do you mean?
Boy friend: You are pretty ugly.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 20, 2017 1:59 pm

Father: Hi sweetie, how was school today?
Daughter: You can read all about it on my face book Dad.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:02 pm

Why love marriage is better than arranged?
Because a known Devil is better than unknown Ghost!!

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:04 pm

A narrow mind is usually accompanied by loud mouth.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:18 pm

One rupee coin sadly asked 5000 rupees bill, what's up, how life is going on?
5000 rupee bill in jolly mood replied: Fantastic, some times I am in 5 star hotel, some times in shopping mall, some times in his wife/girl friend's purse, some times in Karachi or Islamabad. Buss mojaa(n) e mojaa(n). Then, 5000 rupee bill asked poor one rupee coin," you look sad, how life is treating you?
One rupee coin replied, Buss kiya bataau(n) yaar, idhar udhar ghuum phir kar wahi masjid ke chanddey ke dhabbey mei(n) dhaal detey hai(n), hi naseeba.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:01 pm

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:05 pm

A POLISH man married a CANADIAN girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!" The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house."
LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have a carport and don’t need a grudge."
LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations live in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound."
LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I’m always up before her."
LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me!"
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say Polish Remover."

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:08 pm

Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in your life?"
Student: "My father's check book!"

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:13 pm

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia instead of Middle East?
A: God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:15 pm

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:15 pm

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:16 pm

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:20 pm

A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do. Jacob said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the Rabbi. The Rabbi said, "Funny you should ask.I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people? Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do."
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do. Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven. The Voice said, "funny you should ask, I too sent my son Jesus to Isreal..."

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:23 pm

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat at home!"

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:26 pm

So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is the president Trump's clock?" St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:29 pm

A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican says, “Sí (yes) we have orange jews, apple jews, pineapple jews and grape jews!”

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:32 pm

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:50 pm

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to hold the light bulb and four to turn the house.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:53 pm

An Indian cab driver picked up a Japanese man from a hotel. Along the way, they saw a Honda motorcycle overtake the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Motorcycle very fast, made in Japan." Then a Toyota car overtook the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Car very fast, made in Japan." When they reached the destination the fare was 1500 rupees. The Japanese man thought the ride was would only cost 500 rupees. He asked the driver why the ride was so expensive. The driver said, "Meter very fast, made in India."

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:59 pm

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:00 pm

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:04 pm

KAI DASTAAR BADLEY HAI(N), ABB SIR BADALNA HAI
KAI MANZAR BADLEY HAI(N),ABB PUS MANZAR BADALNA HAI

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:01 pm

A husband requested a judge:
Your honor, I want divorce from my wife.
Judge: What is the matter?
Husband: My wife has not spoken to me past one year.
Judge: Son think twice, there are very few fortunate who have such wives.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:06 pm

YEH WATAN HAMARA HAI
ISEY HUM NE BIGHARA HAI
MEREY DESH KA NOUJAWAN
LARKIYU(N) PE DIL HARA HAI
HER SHAADI SHUDAH BANDA
FACE BOOK PE KU(N)WARA HAI

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:13 pm

Ek Aadmi apney dost se kaha:
Meri biwi do mahiney se wazan ghattaney ke liye Ghorey sawari kar rahi hai.
Dost: Koi natija nikla?
Aadmi: Haa(n), Ghorey (horse) ka wazan 20 kilo kum ho gaya.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:20 pm

A loose tempered wife asked her husband:
Wife: Have you done any good to any person in your life?
Husband: Why not, I married to you.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:28 pm

A person married to his cousin.
In a party he introduced his wife saying;
This is my beautiful wife Nina, before I had blood relationship with her and now of high blood pressure.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:23 pm

A mullah's girl friend living in his neighborhood did not show up at mid night as she promised. Mullah was disturbed. He waited and waited and waited and finally lost his temper and patience. He turned on the speaker of masjid and announced;
Allah ne farmaya merey bando jub kisi se wa'dah karo tou ussey pura karo.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:34 pm

A person went to see doctor and complained ' in my dreams I see donkeys playing foot ball'.
Doctor said; o.k, here is a prescription. Before sleep take two tablets and you won't see donkeys again in your dreams.
Man replied, doctor can I skip tonight and start taking tablets from tomorrow.
Doctor; Why? Why not from tonight.
Man said; Doc tonight is final match of foot ball, I want to see which donkey team wins.

shivaathervedi · Post by **shivaathervedi** » Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:39 pm

Ghussa (anger) mard ki nishani hai.
Aur
Ghussay ko pi jana shadi shudah honey ki nishani hai.